'shot down, in a blaze of glory'

ah the joys of dating and meeting people. so i just had a phenomenal dating, well, continued interaction with a girl over an extended period of time experience. so there is this mildly to extremely attractive girl in my ward. we had spoken a few times in the past. i didnt see any point in pursuing anything because she looked like she was about 19. one sunday, while briefly talking, i found out she was actually 24. suddenly, she became fresh prey, and the hunt was on.

so after church i approached her as we were both heading to our cars in the parking lot. i cant even remember my opening line, all i remember is that pretty much from the beginning I was completely transparent with my intentions. eventually we started talking about a '24' gathering or party and i mentioned that i didnt know the person that hel the gatherings. she made some quip about me being in the ward for less time than her but knowing so few people. i responded in my head that the ward is lame and that she must be too if she is proud of knowing more people than me. i have learned to not insult women when i am trying to ask them out. so while i was tempted to throw a dry remark out there to see if she would even catch it, i instead said that one of the reasons that i know so few people is that unlike her, i never dated anyone in the ward. she then said that the guy she was dating moved away and they only dated for about a week anyways. i then asked if she was still dating him. now, this is my first blatantly obvious sign to her of where i was leading this conversation and what i really wanted from her. action. she said no. i then asked if she was dating anyone at all right now. my second indication of my intentions with her. im being so obvious i might as well write on a stick, 'im about to ask you out' and hit her with it. she once again said no. so I then said that we should go out sometime. i was really being generous and not wanting to scare the girl off. while i was pretty much asking her out with that line, i still gave her a window to make up a reason as to why she couldn't go out, if she didnt want to. but she must be slow on her feet because she said that it would be fun to go out sometime. i got her number and made sure it wasnt some bogus guy rejection line and told her i would call her that week. she said fine.

so the next day i made the call the next day. i should have adhered to the counsel in 'swingers' and waited 4 days, but i didnt. not that it would have mattered. she didnt answer. i left a message. also a bad move because i put the ball in her court. also didnt really matter. she didnt call back, but a few days later i did! (idiot move, i know). she still didnt answer. this time i didnt leave a message and just thought it was strange she gave me her number in the first place, but that it was short lived and over. then, 4 days later, when my heart had finally healed, she called. i was shocked. she gave me a long story about how she got kicked out of her apartment and had to move that week etc. etc. a decent excuse. i didnt listen to all of it because i couldnt help but think about the enormous amounts of stuff she must have had if she didnt even have time to make a single phone call. but i tried not to be bitter and she said we should go out next week. i agreed and told her i would talk to her tomorrow at church and we could set something up.

the next day i of course didnt talk to her because that seemed like a smooth thing to do, and im not smooth. also, zach, my dating coach wasnt there so i didnt have a game plan mapped out. so i just avoided her and called her the next week. this is getting long. let me condense and speed it up. i called, no answer, so i left a message. this time i didnt even get a phone call response, but a text message instead. she said she couldnt this week because she was at a work conference all week. i saw her at church. we talked a bit. i practiced being a lawyer on her by trying to get her to mix up her bogus statements and call her out on the lies she was feeding me. instead we set up to go to a hockey game. i said there was one on Saturday. she told me her weekends were too valuable to waste on me and asked if there was one on a weekday. i told her i would look into it. i did, i called her and told her answering machine about it (she never once answered a phone call from me). days later she called back. said the game sounded fun and asked if i wanted to go. i laughed. should have said 'no, because i know you dont want to go.' but, im weak...and she is 'mildly' attractive, so i agreed. bought tickets. called her yesterday to confirm. no answer. left message. she called today. canceled.

i cant exactly remember the work related excuse she gave me but she did finally say that life was just hectic for her right now and she would prefer something more casual. i guess she couldnt afford renting a gown for the hockey game. oh well. i told her whatever and that if she ever wanted to do anything for her to call me. she told me she would, her nose grew a bit and then she hung up the phone.

so, dating rules. i took my buddy chase. the game was great. hockey live is great. its intense. really fast-paced. very physical. and just a good time. highly recommend it. as for the girl. i dont know really how to end the story. granted, she ended it. many times actually. though, in my defense, i really only asked her out the first time. whenever she canceled plans, she honestly brought up or suggested getting together at a later date. if compared to 'arrested development' its like when gob tries to break up with his wife but by the end of the conversation he ends up being the one that says they should stay together. she was the gob in our interactions. every time she called she probably had full intentions of ditching me for good, but somehow couldnt seal the deal (yes, i sell seals!). im sure when she hung up the phone she was mouthing to herself, 'what am i thinking.' (i cant find the clip to this scene. im looking for it and ill post it when i can - karl, but i need to go to bed).

anyways, there is only so much humor you can get out of a situation and this utter was fast approaching empty. plus, i really don't mind getting rejected, it's a part of meeting people i have come to accept and realize. i even realize that yes, it could and does even happen to me, but repeated rejection, from the same person, when I can easily avoid it, doesnt need to happen. i have way more pride than that. the strangest part of it all, is that when she was giving the reasons for canceling, she sounded so sincere. and, im a little bummed this didnt happen. probably because i declared her as prey and i didnt make the catch. she outran me. its also blatantly obvious i had a little interest in this specimen. which im sure has been clear to anyone that has made it through this rant and rave. it is pretty clear. i put myself out there repeatedly and got burned repeatedly. i did so because i kept thinking at some point she would throw me a bone and let me break the bank on her. tried to laugh off the situation for awhile so i could find humor in an already embarrassing situation. but there isn’t really that much humor in looking like a fool. dang.

so i have decided to describe all of my ladies and our interactions with songs. feel free to contribute to the list.

for her:

scrub: tlc
hoochie mama – cypress hill (now im just being bitter)

us:

blaze of glory – bon jovi
why does my heart, feel so bad – moby