our gift to zach

so my roommate zach recently broke up with his girlfriend. he knew it was going to happen because he told me that she was treating him the way he treats girls before he breaks up with them. sure enough two days later she broke up with him. well, adam and i are really great guys and even better roommates. awhile ago adam and i crumpled up all of our papers from a semester of law school and dumped them in zach's room. i never realized how much paper i used in law school. zach filled 5 large trash bags cleaning up all the paper we threw in his room.

anyways, back to us being good guys. while standing in zach's room one day crumpling paper with adam and stuffing it into zach's pillow case, adam told me about an idea he had involving goldfish. as observant guys that care about our fellow roommate's well being, we figured zach was a little depressed and lonely without britney and that now was an opportune time to buy zach some friends.

we didnt know how many new friends zach needed, so we settled on 40. we went to petco and asked for 40 fish. the man said he scooped up 40. we paid for 40. but when we got home we counted 93.

(note: adam and i both agreed that this was the biggest deal/steal/bargain giveaway/whatever you want to call it of our lives and probably of the history of greater garbage grove community. granted, we really on received only about $4.00 of free merchandise, but we paid for 40 goldfish and received 93! this isnt like paying for 12 donuts and getting a bakers dozen. this was buying 40 of one item and receiving 93 of that item. its just unfortunate we were dealing with goldfish and not cars or diamonds or ivory tusks)

so we placed them in cups and then placed them in their new home, which was all over zach's room. petco gave us one dead fish, so we taped it on zach's door to welcome zach to his room when he got home. one fish, in the james dean cup, went on a suicide mission and lept out of the cup. coincidence? fate? not sure. ironically, not all of the fish in the anna nicole cup died by the next day. unfortunately all of the ladanian tomlinson fish made it through the night. i guess it didnt matter much as zach barbarically sent them all down the toilet the next day. he hardly appreciated all that adam and i did for him. zach did keep one fish, the one that survived a flush. he scooped it out of the toilet and kept let it die in his room in a cup. randomly, later that day long after all the fish had been sent to their death, a few showed back up in the toilet bowl. i dont know where they came from or how they survived. i think they are a representation of zach and britney. she came back. they got together for a week so that he could then dump her. he did. but since that point, there have been many flushes, and just when adam and i think its all over, suddenly we see her swimming back up the pipes or zach will randomly come home late and say he was with britney. apparently though they 'arent dating.' they are just in that post break up stage where they function exactly like a couple but insist to everyone and each other that they are 'not an item' and are 'dating other people.' what a fun time for them. i know zach is enjoying not understanding his relationship status. almost as much as the fish loved the toilet. but hey, that is where britney lingers.