pop stars or prophets?

so there is something that i have been thinking about for a long time now. many questions/thoughts often circulate through my head. can we really be surprised at how lindsey lohan has turned out? what percentage of people would end up exactly like her if in her situation? 85%? 93.2%? does 'the gap' have anything to offer me anymore? has it ever? did i really just make that phone call to her and completely embarass myself? could i have possibly sounded more desparate and misconveyed my feelings any more poorly? very pressing issues.

well, for some time now, something else has lingered in my mind. it happened the other day when watching one of those countdown shows on vh1. i have a true love/hate relationship with those shows. i love them because they are full of useless random facts and they are so entertaining. i hate them because most of the lists are so lame, but i am drawn to the show regardless. i find myself watching who are the top 40 divas of all time when i really could care less. its a complete waste of time, but they always suck me in. plus, i dont even know who is making these lists. its probably bob from the copy room, whom i dont even know and dont really care about his opinion, yet after watching for a bit, i find myself really wanting to know what bob thinks is the top freakiest concert moment of all time. or who bob thinks is the greatest metal band of all time. additionally, i hate them because bob always dissappoints. do you know who bob declared as the number 1 pop icon of all time? oprah. oprah! superman was number 2. seinfeld was somewhere in the top 10. oprah! they gave a compelling argument and in a way it made sense, but it was still incredibly dissappointing. after sitting around for 5 hours and watching from 100 to 1 and finding out that oprah was number 1. major let down.

so the other day adam and i were watching the top 100 songs of the 80's. this list actually didnt dissappoint. the number 1 song of the 80's was 'livin on a prayer' by bon jovi. just a phenomenal song. while others may disagree, everyone would have to at least admit that the song would be included in the debate over what song was number 1. anyways, while watching this program, somewhere in the list was the song 'walking on sunshine.' a great song. fun. 'pop-py.' always makes you feel good when you hear it. but then bob mentioned something that i had never heard before. that song, 'walking on sunshine' was sung by the band 'katrina and the waves.' KATRINA AND THE WAVES! how come i didnt know this? im sure after hurricane katrina happened, some people probably mentioned that it was ironic that there was a band with that name or it come up in a couple of conversations, but it hardly received the attention it deserved. i know because i never heard anything about it.

clearly this deserves more discussion. it cannot just be a coincidence. impossible. i havn't exactly come to a concrete conclusion as to what i think of all of it, but thus far, my main theory is that 80's pop icons were an advanced group of humans that could predict the future, but to disclose their prophetic identity, they told us of the future through their artistic abilities.

so i began exploring this theory and looking into other 80's pop icons to see what else i could find. i came across some interesting bits that i think are worth mentioning and will probably convince even the biggest naysayer, that this theory is nearly conclusive:

• wwf: huge in the 80's. this is when wwf was in its early stages and really laying the groundwork to be a national pastime and integral part of american culture and the american way of life. but even the wwf was giving out prophetic messages. did you know that there was a tag team duo called the 'natural disasters?' individually, they were named 'earthquake' and 'typhoon.' now, that information alone, may not explain much, but after a little research, these men are potentially more than just large, hairy men that like showing off their impecable bodies by wearing mens leotards, or man-tards. did you realize that earthquake married a filipino woman on december 26, 1984, on a tug boat in the middle of the indian ocean? exactly 20 years before the earthquake that struck that region and caused the devasting tsunami....or natural disaster. why a tug boat? not quite sure, but that was typhoon's wrestling name before he joined forces with earthquake. it was all there. if only we had bothered to notice the signs.

• i think an integral part of the 80's was monster ballads. these beautiful rock compositions have delighted the ears and hearts of the world for years. partly because they are musical masterpieces, but also, because of their messages. how else could songs like these endure the test of time were there not something more to them? i think these bands toned it down a bit from their hard rock style to make their messages clear. after watching a few videos, adam commented that he thought that the groups toned down their music and made the ballads to prove they were queer. he raises a very plausible theory. nonetheless, it is still worth noting some potential messages:
• for instance, most people are familiar with the ever popular group 'l.a. guns' because of their classic and incredible hit, 'ballad of jayne'. but few know that rodney king's daughter is named jayne. coincidence? not likely. other song titles from the album include: 'letting go' (what the cops did when they 'let go' of their emotions on rodney king), 'slap in the face,' 'rip and tear,' (no need of explanation as to how they relate to the riots), 'never enough,' 'sleazy come, easy go,' (sleazy people that raided the stores and took off their easy loot), 'showdown: riot on sunset' (im not making that one up), 'wheels on fire,' and '17 crash' (the exact number of cars involved in the pile-up outside the courthouse). queers? well, very good chance. but debatable. yet there is little room for debate in the argument that this group told us about the l.a. riots through their guitars and shirtless outfits.
  
• while we are on the topic, here are a few other videos of some big hair bands and their ballads. not sure yet what message they are telling us, but its pure entertainment to watch the bands in action. especially the lead singer from 'saigon kick.' his use of hand guestures throughout the video is pure choreographic genius.
• mr. big
• saigon kick
• scorpions

well, i think i have sufficiently provided enough examples that any person of average intelligence will at least consider the theory until i can provide even more conclusive evidence. the only problem is that now that we are pretty sure that these people have things to tell us, how do we find it all? its there, but there is so much to sort through. there are hundreds of icons, each with their own message. like 'the charlie daniels band' with their 1988 hit album homesick heroes. who exactly is charlie daniels and who are these heroes and what is their role in preventing north korea from developing nuclear weapons? im sure there is a connection, but its just not totally clear yet. or 'night ranger' and how they foretold about the exxon valdez oil spill. or the group 'eddie rabbit with crystal gayle' and their detailed description of the future crystal meth problem in the rabbit population. (?) that might not make sense, unless by rabbit they mean ex-'full house' stars.

anyways, im sure the list goes on and on. in case you havnt noticed, all of the 80's icons foretold of calamaties and destruction. in another post i'll explore 90's icons and how they foretold of all of the great things we would have around us to help us get through the hard times. like the band 'arrested development' with its debut album '3 years, 5 months, and 2 days in the life of arrested development'. clearly telling us about the brilliant tv show that in the upcoming decade would bring us so much joy....but only for 3 short seasons. coincidence? prove it.