so nellie and i are engaged. im assuming most readers know that since most readers are friends or family. if you arent one of those then you probably dont know that, but i probably dont know you, so i dont really care that you know that. (hopefully that didnt drive away any friends that really didnt know. sorry if you didnt know. im engaged). anyways, i am studying for the bar right now which has excused me from a lot of the wedding planning. which is really great in my opinion. not that i wouldnt be happy to participate, but i frankly dont care about a lot of things so i dont really have an opinion to give. i think nellie is beginning to realize that. she asked me today what type of bedding i wanted. really? bedding? i know i should care and i want to, but arent we asleep with our eyes closed when we are in the bed? (insert obligatory newlywed sex joke...then say to yourself, 'zing!') its our bedroom, so its not like a family room or living area, so if you want flowers, whatever. again, maybe i should care, but i dont find it something to fuss about. im man enough to sleep in flowers. again, my eyes are closed. you may feel like a tough guy because you have pittsburg steelers sheets on your bed, but at the end of the day (pun intended), my flowers sheets get the job done just as well as your tough guy steelers sheets. another reason that its probably a good thing that im not participating in the wedding planning is because there would be serious conflicts when it came time to registering. i havnt had time to do it so she just does it and its really for the better. today we stopped by crate and barrel and she showed me some of the things she registered for....and it was ridiculous. the problem is that the store owners give these ladies a gun and they just walk around and 'shoot' all the items they want. the other problem is that these ladies are walking around without men so they have no rational thoughts running through their brains. for instance, nellie registered for a cheese dome. a cheese dome? what is a cheese dome? its a piece of wood with a dome shaped piece of glass on top of it to preserve your cheese...for when you set it out on the counter for an extended period of time with the purpose of having it mold faster than it already does? i dont get it. when do you use a cheese dome? its for parties says nellie. and for the holidays. great. we get a gift that we only use once a year. someone is going to spend $25 bucks on us and its blown on something we might use every christmas to help our cheese mold faster. awesome.
other choice items included a fondue machine. granted, fondue is great. can be fun. the rational part thinks though, thats a lot of money. how often are we going to be using this thing? wouldnt we rather have someone spend that much money and buy us something we might use more than once every decade? its for parties says nellie. oh. of course. we also registered for three cups that are connected in the middle with a handle. 'it could be useful for serving hummus,' says nellie. i dont even know how to respond to that.
also on the registery is a dessert serving platter. basically its three plates that are connected with the largest one on the bottom and the smallest one on the top. everyone has seen these. purpose? none in my opinion. you can accomplish the same thing with three regular, unattached plates. but it also has a purpose apparently. its for parties says nellie. of course. another party. as it is, we throw them nightly, we will need this.
and of course, my all time favorite of the day: the pancake warmer. purpose? to warm pancakes. times in the history of man one has really ever been needed? zero.
so here is the real problem with this stuff. i know we will get it. why? because im a guy and i would buy it for other couples. girls are going to take other guys with them to buy a wedding gift. the guy will already be bugged that he has to spend money on someone else and that its spent on lame kitchen items. they will go into the store and get the list of items on our registery. they will look over the items and the guy wont see anything 'normal' or 'practical,' he will automatically find all the random junk that he knows the couple doesnt need and insist on buying it. why? because its funny. because hes a logical thinker and he knows that no one really needs a pancake warmer. but it makes him laugh to buy it and 'hey, they registered for it. if they didnt need it, they shouldnt have registered for it. but they did, so clearly they want it, so im getting it for them. i could get them forks, or spoons, or anything that people actually use, but they (she) registered for this, so we are buying it.' then he laughs all the way to the reception. which is fine. im pumped to get all of this stuff. it just means we will be throwing the sweetest fondue, hummus and cheese parties this town has ever seen and youre all invited. and dont worry if you have to come late, the pancakes will still be warm.
19 comments:
LOL, that was the funniest post I've read in a long time! I think every couple argues while registering. Our big fight was that Brandon just wanted to go up and down the aisles but I wanted to go according to "the book" so we didn't miss anything. It's a good laugh now.
readers, lest you think these parties are going to be boring, we're also going to register for a nintendo wii. so, if the cheese dome isn't a draw, I hope you'll enjoy Dr. Mario, Backyard Baseball, Bust-a-Move Bash or The Legend of Zelda. oh, and Kent did have one opinion. it was on an ice cream scoop. apparently, we need one with a skinny handle. I'm on the hunt.
oh you're going to get like 5 pancake warmers now! I didn't know those existed. And we got an awesome ice cream scoop from friends that has warmer stuff inside the metal so that when you scoop the heat from your hand activates the antifreeze and makes the ice cream slightly melt making it really easy to scoop.
Hope you get that wii.
yes. an ice cream scoop. they have some great ice cream scoops out there. the best part about them: you use them at least once a week and easily get your moneys worth. they are very practical.
I don't think Parker registered with me either - except for maybe at Target? Anyway, he felt the same way about all the practical stuff. I found that no matter what you register for, everyone gets you the same thing. Mom and Dad got 4 fondue machines and we got 4 sets of Pyrex glass casserole dishes. Good times.
That gift registry seems like it provide years of fun. Post honeymoon period, when you want to twist a knife in Nellie's ribs a little you can say all kinds of things. "Well, Nellie, I guess we will just serve humus your way." Or "Instead of complaining about me watching sports, maybe you could warm some pancakes for a change." Just watch out for her "Le Creuset" phase. All women go through it. A 4 pans for only $600--what a steal! http://www.williams-sonoma.com/products/c116_6/index.cfm?pkey=clcrdun&ckey=lcrdun
i am so happy we didnt register there. as nice as the stuff may be, its so expensive and there is no way i would be happy knowing that someone was willing to spend $600 on us and all we got out of it was 4 pots.
Since you will be throwing so many parties, I am going to regift to you guys one of the dessert platters we got for our wedding and still resides in the box we got in. Come to think of it, maybe we finally got rid of it. Also, if you are registering for a Wii, I insist that you add Rock Band to the list. That game puts the p in party. Great post. Very funny.
I guess Iʻll take back the cheese dome I got you.
(youʻre just like Doug... good thing I didnʻt take him with me to register. Then when we took out our new glasses from Pottery Barn, he said, "oh, I like those a lot. You registered for those? Iʻm glad you got those. Theyʻre great!" Nellie-- heʻll be glad you spent those hours picking out great items. Just you wait Kent. Just you wait. Congrats on the engagement!!)
in nelly's defense i want a butter dome too, so flies don't get your butter. and i'm glad the pancakes will still be hot because i really hate cold pancakes.
Why are you so concerned about getting your money's worth? The point is that your wife is happy. You can't take the best priced pots to heaven. Or hell, whichever.
I LOVED your post. I laughed so hard that it woke the party sleeping in the next room.
The one question I have is, if you could have anything "logical" that you wanted for a gift, what would it be?
haha...I haven't laughed out loud at something in a really long time. Thanks! I'm Nellie's really good friend from long ago and far away...not naboo, but Redlands. She was in my wedding and now I live in Georgia. I hope you know what a wonderful woman you are getting. She deserves only the best and judging from how happy she is, and how much she's going to laugh, you will do...just don't screw up! My husband is 6'9" and my boys will probably double that...so watch out! JK take care and keep up the writing. I enjoy a good laugh!
Well written,
It is refreshing to see someone who can honestly and frankly represent the male sex and what is the maze that is wedding gift purchasing.
We still have gifts we have gifts we received that have only seen the light the day we opened them. Way to represent!
For the record, the last post by me was actually by my husband Joseph.
GOOD LUCK ON THE BAR KENT!
I'm a new reader to the blog. Now I have an idea of the kind of man Nellie's marrying. Looks like a down to earth guy--I approve! I hope you guys are getting a house big enough to hold all the extra appliances you only use once a year!
Smiles!
Hey Kent! Thanks to Lindsey, I just got your blog address. This post was the first one I read. Hilarious! Congratulations on your wedding this weekend as well. And thank you for the invitation. I actually went to Target on Saturday and looked at your registry. I was planning on buying you the Apple Jacks but that request was already fulfilled. Dang it.
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