Wednesday, February 1, 2012

MJ Super Bowl

The Super Bowl is this weekend. There are various lists across the internet providing the top 10 Super Bowl Halftime shows. I was looking at a couple of them - because that is what you do when you are on the internet - look at other people's lists, and I noticed that Michael Jackson did a halftime show back in 1993.

Not surprisingly, most of the commentary on the show is that MJ reinvented halftime shows and turned them into what they are today - 10 minute over-the-top, no holds barred, spectaculars.

So in preparation for the big game on Sunday, let's breakdown MJ's legendary performance from almost 20 years ago.

0:01 - A countdown. Awesome.

0:03 - James Earl Jones is the intro man - the Morgan Freeman of the 80's and 90's. Was there an official passing of the torch there? Is James Earl Jones dead? Because once Freeman took over, JEJ has fallen off the planet.

0:26 - Cameraman 2 was thrown off by the intro music. Zoomed in too early. Producer: "What the... quick, back to Camera 1. C2, you idiot!"

0:38: Ok, now zoom C2.

0:46: Aw snap! It's MJ on the jumbotron.

0:57: Psyche! No it's not. That was just a stuntdouble. By the way, how did one become an MJ stunt double? Were these the last people to get cut from the backup dance crew?

1:11: Michael emerges.

I wonder how the discussion went with the choreographer during the planning of the show:

C: Ok Michael, so then you will emerge from the stage. There will be sparklers and stuff of course. And then you will hold your pose. How long do you want to hold your pose? 10 seconds? 20? 30 tops?

MJ: I will hold it for at least a minute. After that I will take another minute to move my head and take off my sunglasses.

C: Um, yeah, this isn't a regular concert. We only have 13 minutes for the entire show. Pretty sure we shouldn't dedicate a sixth of the time to you just standing there motionless.

2:08: He's still motionless.

2:24: Apparently not dead.

2:41: Also apparently not that bright outside.

2:43: Cue the electric guitar from the... HOLY HANNAH WHAT IS THAT THING? Best guess is it's an extra from The Lion King. There is no way of knowing though if it's male or female. Impossible to determine.

3:05: The crowd in the foreground is doing the classic Michael Jackson song dance move which is just to sort of jump and or shake your body wildly because as great as MJ songs are, the only way to dance to them is to dance like MJ and since only about 1% of the population can do that, the rest of us are left to just flail our arms and hope nobody is watching. Unfortunately for these people, the U.S. was watching.

3:30: And scene. Quick change, cue the hat and drum beat. Let the hip thrusting begin.

4:25: No matter how many impersonators you will see over the years, no one does it quite like him.

4:55: The Lion King is making its move onto the stage. I'm hoping the song culminates in a King of Pop v. King of the Jungle battle royale. Granted, MJ is a lover not a fighter, so this likely won't happen.

5:22: Go back up dancers.

5:37: "Five, six, seven, and...point to the crowd!"

6:05: I wonder if MJ's nose ever blew off while standing on one of those wind vents. It had to have worried him.

6:20: Some guy wearing one of those fake mustaches with glasses just grabbed a little screen time.

6:25: Black or white? How about male or female? Please settle this.

6:42: The Super Bowl, sponsored by United Way.

8:00: How awesome would it be if MJ ditched the rest of his performance and just got out a football and tried to kick a field goal from the stage? How far do you think it would go? I'm guessing no more than 15 yards. I don't even think it would make it off the stage.

8:20: Not really sure what to say here. MJ is holding what appears to be a magic wand of sorts. He uses it to make children appear. All jokes seem too easy and likely to cross the line quickly. We'll just respect the dead (and molested) and move on.

8:50: Apparently the Nickelodeon Rugrats are also sponsoring the Superbowl. I wonder if Doug and Ren and Stimpy will also be featured.

9:30: I mean, I honestly feel like MJ is a sincere guy and all, just not the choicest words since we know that in a few months he is going to be charged with child molestation.

9:55: Cue the children.

10:01: Was that a boy in lederhosen? Das good.

10:25: Looks like they have children dressed in costumes from all over the world...and also a few adults in solid green Ross sweatshirts. They are pretending to be helpers but really just jockeying for position and trying to get some face time. MJ will not be happy if he's not surrounded entirely by children.

11:09: "Peace bud. Peace."

11:22: Here come the United Way graduates.

12:26: Let's be honest, would I have preferred some sort of Beat It/Smooth Criminal/Bad/The Dog-gone Girl Is Mine Medley. At the same time, it is quite an amazing production. He literally has the entire stadium involved. Scores of people singing and then everyone in the crowd holding up some sort of poster. Pretty impressive. I bet the athletes were jealous they didn't get to participate.

So there you have it. The production that started it all. Your move Madonna.


Darby Family said...

Kent, I love your commentary. Hilarious. We move in a month and a half. We have to get together before we leave.

Paige said...

ha ha

Cherylyn said...

Loved this!! Please please do a commentary on Madonna's half time show.

Kaahl said...

someone else said it before me, but i think michael jackson was the last global pop star. Is there anyone else like him now? who can sell out stadiums in us, japan, bulgaria, and australia?