ignorance is bliss

with some things in life its just better when you are ignorant. i think that one of those things is a knowledge of germs. i think that little kids just have it better in this life because they dont have a concept of or really think about germs. granted, some basic knowledge is probably important, but i can see why they can and do make people go crazy. i wouldnt classify myself as a 'germ freak,' but i'm definitely aware. in a way though i cant really help it. i saw a tv 'primetime special' about germs in the bathroom. i guess i could have turned the channel but i stuck it out, and now im scarred. did you know that the dirtiest places, or most germ filled places in the bathroom are the floor and the faucet handle? the floor makes sense because its a floor. you wouldnt think the sink faucet handle until you realize that everyone touches the faucet before washing their hands and after taking care of business. so there. enjoy the knowledge that just does more damage than good. enjoy washing your hands and then looking at the dirty faucet handle and turning it off with your wrist for the rest of your life. the door handle, the notoriously 'dirty' place in the bathroom, is actually not so dirty. its one of the cleaner places since so many people use towels to grab the handle and in a way wipe off the door handle every time they open it.

so this past weekend, our whole family got together and my mom rented one of those big bounce tanks (it even had spiderman like the picture above) for all of the nieces and nephews to play in throughout the day. it was a huge hit. however, it did smell like hepatitis. im not exactly sure what hepatitis smells like, but just think of the ball rooms at chuck 'e cheese's. the one's where there is a two year old playing in them with his diaper half off. a nice combination of dirty kids and urine. anyways, i suggested that we wipe it down with some clorox. we did, and it smelled better, who knows if it actually mattered. but the 'problem' with cleaning it, is that none of the little kids cared. its a 'problem' because now that the weekend is over, i have a cold, but i dont think any of the kids do.

so i have a couple of (probably bogus) theories that i have adopted in life. i dont know that i live by them as much as i just use them as when convenient. for instance, one of my 'theories' is that its better to not use lip balm, or body lotion, or conditioner etc. because when you do, your body just creates a dependency on these items. you see, your skin naturally produces oils so that it doesn't dry out. by using things like lotion, your skin stops naturally taking care of itself since it relies on the lotion. its sort of like with drugs. your body creates a dependency on drugs and other areas of the body start shutting down and relying exclusively on the drugs or the outside substances. now i realize that this theory is completely baseless and false. im basically just lazy and dont want to use these items. i have no good reason for not wanting to use them, so i just make up theories that support my decisions. it is also a fun conversation piece.

person: 'do you have any chapstick?'

me: 'no. my body doesnt need those types of things. leave me alone lower lifeform.'

they are also fun theories to have when you are married to a woman whose father is a dermatologist and three of her brothers are also dermatologists. i think this may be the reason nellie just laughs and is speechless whenever i tell her i dont need to use any of these items. its either that or the logic and argument is so good that she's just stumped and doesnt have a reply.

another theory i have that relates to all of this is that being sick is all mental. usually referring to things like colds and flus. ill tell nellie that she isnt really sick and that its just mental. im such a caring husband. i dont think she had any idea how sympathetic of a guy she was marrying. so again, i know that this theory is also false and baseless, but sometimes i wonder if the thinking about germs and worry about them can actually cause us to get sick. if it supposedly can work where thinking you arent sick can help you get over your illness, then naturally worrying about germs or getting sick can also cause you to get sick more often. i realize that the theory isnt true, therefore there can be no logical opposite. however, my weekend does support my theory (not terribly surprising since i put a spin on most things when necessary to make them support the theory): the kids didnt care about germs. they laughed, and cried a lot in the bounce tank, and probably licked it or fell on it with their mouths open. they were so happy to play in the bounce tank that there was no time to think about meaningless things like germs and getting sick. so they didnt.

meanwhile, i, the fatherless uncle, worried about the well-being of my nieces and nephews playing in the hepatitis bounce tank and insisted that we clean it. i worried about them getting sick and it made me get sick. thus, ignorance is bliss because you dont get sick. non-ignorance, or knowledge is sadness since it results in sickness. yes, its a airtight theory. i should be a doctor. with this type of sound logic, im clearly a successful lawyer.