accomplishments and crankiness

so i have three sort of random, but sort of connected thoughts that have gone through my mind today.

so first of all, i realize that i get cranky when i'm idle, or better said, slothful. idle is fine, but when im just being lazy and not accomplishing anything, then i can sometimes get in a foul mood. take this morning for example. i had every intention of getting up and working on our backyard. i had been planning and thinking about it all week. i slept in a bit and when i got out of bed i had a bowl of cereal. the english premiere league started today (more on this in another post) and so i sat down to eat breakfast and watch a game. one thing turns into another and suddenly im still in my underwear watching tv and now its 11. the morning is pretty much wasted. i still need to go to home depot and buy some stuff for the backyard. nellie then asks if when we go to home depot, if we can stop off at costco, which is literally next door (well, as 'next door' as you can get when dealing with massive warehouses. they share the same giant parking lot). but her bringing up going to costco got me a little bothered and cranky. and i realize that i was cranky for two reasons.

the first reason is because i was just sort of mad at myself and just in a bad mood because i wasnt accomplishing anything. ive realized that there is a connection between accomplishing things and happiness or feeling good about life. even at work, which i dont particularly love, i find that the worst days are the days where i dont accomplish much. and that is partly because i cant help but think in the back of my head how screwed i am for not billing a bunch of hours that day. but its also because its as though my brain or body hasn't been challenged or stimulated or anything and it just leaves me upset and a little depressed. i dont enjoy the type of law that i do, but doing it and accomplishing something, makes me feel better than not doing it. doing something i dont enjoy makes me happier than not doing something i dont enjoy. its sort of strange how that works.

(granted, i think that can only take you so far and perhaps happiness is the wrong word to use. because i wouldnt say on productive days that im happy, well i am happy, but its more of a feeling of satisfaction.)

the second reason i got a little cranky at the idea of going to costco is because i dont enjoy grocery shopping. costco is sort of different and i think i was decently behaved while we were there, but if there is something that brings out the male pms in me, its grocery shopping. and i dont know why. i feel bad that nellie has to put up with me. my friend dave reid warned me before i got married about 'going to target.' he told me that he loathes target since he got married because target trips last hours and girls buy so much random stuff and 'junk,' and it all costs a ton. from a guy's point of view you walk in empty handed and walk out $200 poorer. a girl will argue that youre not poorer because 'look at all the stuff we got.' but thats a moot point with guys and not a good argument. from a guy's perspective, everything in the bags besides the toilet paper you probably didnt need to buy, so you are $200 poorer because you exchanged that money for things you dont need. even the toilet paper probably isnt needed since there are still kleenex in the house.

anyways, target is bad, but i really struggle at the grocery store. probably because its very different from when i was single. when i was single i lived off of cereal for breakfast and late night snacks, pb & j for lunch with some cookies or something, and pasta roni for dinner. a delicacy that i have introduced nellie to since being married. sometimes, if i was being healthy, i would buy a couple of apples. thats it though. that was essentially my diet. if something was lacking, i made up for it with fast food. shopping was cheap, and overall pretty unhealthy. granted, i broke the bank by eating out, but whatever.

now that we are married, it feels like we frequent the grocery store once a week (realistically probably once every other week), and it kills me. i dont know why. i realize nellie is just taking care of me. she plans meals and always buys fresh fruit and vegetables. she is always talking about 'leafy greens' and can tell you the last date and time that she had her leafy greens and whether its been too long since we had them. im sure these are all good things and my body (and bowels) are better for it, but it means that we arent in and out of the grocery store in 10 minutes and the bill is 5 times as much as when i was single. its not entirely like a target trip because i know that i will be using the things we bought, but it takes so long to buy the stuff and we go through it so quickly and i know that we will be back blowing more money on it in just a couple weeks. its just too much for me to handle and i get cranky. i slouch over the cart and whine and ask when we will be done and stomp my feet when nellie says we still have to get buttermilk for a recipe she wants to try. i knock stuff off the shelves onto the ground and kick it and run over it with the cart. then when we get to the register i ask her if we really need everything. she asks if im going to be like this every time we go shopping. i tell her yes and remind her that she doesnt have to invite me. im a pill. one year in and she still loves me. i think so at least.

anyways, those first two things dont exactly relate to this last thing, but sort of, plus i didnt want to do another post. nellie and i saw 'julie and julia' tonight. we wanted to see 'the paper heart' but it was sold out. so nellie gave me the options of 'julie and julia' or 'the time travelers wife.' i tried to fake an injury and tell her that something was in my eye and that we better just go home, but it was to no avail.

honestly though, the movie wasnt that bad. good actually. here is why meryl streep has been nominated for like 18 academy awards: because she, like johnny depp or other great actors, convinces you that the character they are playing on screen is exactly how they would be if you met them on the street in real life. they are that convincing. with other actors you know how they would be in real life because they play the same character or act the same in every movie.

that aside, the movie is good and a well told story about food and accomplishing things. our wedding photographer saw it and discussed on her blog the many things the movie made her think about. one of which was asking the question: 'am i living up to my full potential.' its interesting because nellie and i felt the same way after and talked how the movie, in an interesting way, is inspiring.

not that its any sort of revolutionary or new concept, but im reading a book right now that talks about the reciprocal connection between happiness and success. essentially, studies show that happy people are more successful people, in many areas of life. also, studies show that success, in many areas, not just work, makes people happy, which of course in turn, leads to more success, and then more happiness etc. etc. the movie was cool because it was just two, seemingly ordinary women, finding something they love and doing it. and what is great, they both gained success out of it. not necessary of course, but a nice added bonus.

anyways, i wish i had something or some point that i was making to tie everything together, but not really. just sort of throwing thoughts out there. i realize that i feel better when i'm accomplishing things. nothing new. i really think i could accomplish more or at least do more things i love. ideally those things will bring success, although im not sure yet how podcasting can or will make me any money. but hey, if i love doing it and its some sort of accomplishment, then it brings happiness, which is all that really matters. as long as nellie doesnt drag me into the grocery story anymore, then i think ill have life all figured out.