tweeterpated

so i dont really 'get' twitter. my friend was asking me about it the other day. i joined so that i could investigate it to try and figure out why its all the rage, but i im not quite on board. it seems like quite the fad. like the pager. and like the pager or crystal pepsi, i dont think it will last long. i could be wrong. whether or not it stays, it is lame.

so i admit, that last sentence is a little hypocritical. its coming from a guy that has jumped on many internet fads, all of which were or are perceived as lame, and many of which faded into oblivion. i have a myspace account. a facebook account. even a (gulp) ldslinkup account.

like many internet fads, twitter has a good concept. its just getting out of control. myspace was great because creating your own internet web page is difficult. so they facilitated it for everyone and gave everyone the opportunity to have their own web space. you could decorate it and change it how you liked. the problem was when 40 year old men with mustaches started to realize that myspace was a great way to meet 14 year old girls. it also turned sour when girls began to realize that myspace was a perfect way to bring out the inner prostitute that they all apparently had inside of them. who knew right? no one until myspace. they decorated their pages with all their scandalous photos which usually involved hundreds of photos of the person standing in some lame bar holding a beer bottle. so original.

facebook has a great concept. despite getting out of control, i think it has more staying power than myspace because older people are even jumping on board. plus, you cant go crazy and 'pimp' out your pages like myspace. the purists will tell you that it was better when you could only connect with people in your network. each school was its own network and you could only connect with those people in your network, or at your school. it was more personal. now its not so personal unless you consider connecting with your parent's friends 'personal.' i dont know if facebook inspired twitter. i doubt it, but on facebook you can update your 'status.' tell all the people what you are doing or what you are thinking or if something made you 'lol'. i've never really gotten into this feature, which is maybe why i havnt grasped twitter.

here's the thing, i understand the concept of twitter and why it can be useful. its like mini updates on peoples' lives. i understand that for some people it can be extremely useful. many sports writers and news organizations have twitter accounts, which makes sense. when they 'break' news they can update their twitter account. its a great way for these people to tell their audience something important or something interesting. they have information worth sending to people and worth distributing.

the problem that has occurred is that people that arent important or interesting, or have nothing worth distributing, are insisting on updating us about their lives. they are grabbing a hold of twitter and going crazy with it. which i think is what makes it appear ridiculous. its not just that people are doing meaningless stuff, but they are then telling everyone about it. even if im your husband i dont need constant updates on your life. sorry nellie but its true. i dont. not that you twitter, but if you did, i probably wouldnt follow it.

the other problem is that it seems like twitter is all about getting people to 'follow you on twitter.' its not so much about updating people about your life because you want them to know what you are doing, but moreso you tweet because you want people to want to know what you are doing. its like some sort of popularity contest, like having friends on myspace. you have to get lots of followers and fill them with meaningless junk as often as you can so that they will check back in often. if they check back in often, then they care about what you are doing. if they care about what you are doing, then they like you. if they like you, then your life has meaning and you are somebody important. if you are important, then you are cool, or something else equally great.

so that was probably a little extreme. i know that not everyone is on twitter for that reason. but the problem still remains that people dont have anything to say, but still provide updates. here is how my weekend would have gone on twitter:

friday, 8:02 p.m. 'the wife just found a 'souplantation' 15% off coupon in the mail! aw yeah. date night extravaganza 2009 is about to go down!

friday, 9:07 p.m. 'souplantation was as consistent as always. my bowels hate me but the wife is super happy. always important. gonna cuddle up with her now for an awesome flick at home.'

friday, 10:45 p.m. dang, this movie is pretty good. man movies are great sometimes. shoot, im missing some of the plot because im twittering during a movie. its more important that you know that im watching a movie and care and respond that im watching a movie than me actually watch it. life events dont matter as much as you knowing what my life events are.

friday 11:17 p.m. the wife totally fell asleep during the movie. should i leave her alone or tickle her foot until she wakes up? tweet me back and let me know what i should do. whatever you tell me to do, ill do. your opinion and loyal following is more important than me continuing to direct my own life.

saturday 12:36 p.m. just cut down a tree in the front yard with my dad. he's like paul bunyan because he cut it down and im big blue because i had to haul everything into the back. plus, im yoked like an ox. yard work with dad is the best.

saturday 5:07 p.m. cruising out to the inland empire with the wife. and yes im twittering while driving. yo, hit me up if you going to be in the i.e. this evening.

saturday 10:27 p.m. just chillaxin in the hot tub with the wife, zach attack and d-ax. nothing like a hot tub. do you like hot tubs?

sunday 2:09 p.m. d-ax and i just put a serious beat down on super mario bros. 3. d-ax did most of the work, he's the true champion here, but i contributed and took out my share of goombas.

sunday 6:01 p.m. lil z just graduated from loma linda. im so proud. i always knew he could do it. he's the bestest. that's not a word. lol. im funny sometimes right? right? please say yes.


pretty exciting right? not really. just tiring. the weekend was a lot of fun, but besides my mom and a couple of other family members, i dont know that anyone would really care. even if my mom did care, i dont think she would want an hourly update.

so i cant fault you for following twitter or getting involved with it. we all want attention. i started a podcast for pete's sake. i mock people that twitter and the attention they seek by blogging about it and putting it online for people to read in hopes that its interesting and grabs their attention. its not that i dont enjoy attention. i am human after all. and im not saying im better than internet fads. ive admitted i was sucked into others. but i didnt jump on the pager train when it went on a short ride in the 90s, i dont think ill buy a ticket this time either.