summer movie preview 2008

so i did this last year and i figured i would do it again. i realize that its only april and so summer wont be starting for another month or so, but finals begin in 2 weeks and then there is this exam in july called the bar that i have to take. anyways, im told i should study for it, so i dont know when ill really get a chance to sit down and give my two cents on summer movies. not that anyone should care about my movie thoughts. im no movie buff, although i do consider myself a movie snob. i would attribute most of that to my college roommate dave. he's the 'best boy' ever. he's also the movie buff and through our years of living together he tutored me and trained me to reject theater trash and other types of movie vomit. speaking of dave, he works in santa monica for a cable station called the 'soundtrack channel.' its a small channel that is trying to expand and grow. id tell you what exactly he does but i never remember. however, he does do the 'stc news' and all of their hollywood headlines. you can watch all of them on itunes under soundtrack channel podcasts: stc news. dave has always wanted to be on tv and majored in film to help jump start his tv career (it had nothing to do with film or love for writing) so i know how much this means to him which is why im giving him this plug.

speaking of plugs, i saw the movie 'run fatboy run' the other week. it was fantastic. the main actor is outstanding. he was also in 'shawn of the dead' and 'hot fuzz.' he's really great. i cant get enough of him. he's the best british export since ricky gervais, muse and posh spice. plus, its a fun story. props to david schwimmer (he directed it). its the first time i have respected him since he was in 'wonder years.' he spent so many other years being a complete whiney and annoying loser and forcing me to not watch 'friends' that i was sure he wasnt capable of doing anything worthwhile for the rest of his life. he's proved me wrong. matt leblanc has yet to do so though.

anyways, last year i organized them by how likely it was that i would see movie. given that ill be studying for the bar this summer and probably wont even see my girlfriend most days, i doubt ill see many, if any of these movies. im sure there are many movies that i am overlooking, but here are some thoughts about a few that i was able to see online:


who funds this stuff?

what happens in vegas - i know this is a chick flick so i was going to put it there, but i had to bump it up to this category because it looks like crap. but sadly it will make money. plenty of girls will see every chick flick that comes to the theater. plus it has ashton which all girls like, even though he slapped every girl in the face by hooking up with demi moore. still so strange. it also has cameron diaz. i dont think she has looked that attractive since 'the mask.' it looks terribly stupid and predictable from the previews. i bet, after they both do so much to try and get the other person to file for divorce, that they actually end up liking each other and falling in love. maybe they wont though, maybe it will end with ashton taking the money, shacking up with a woman twice his age, while cameron diaz (a prettier, but not pretty woman that is his age) sits in confusion on the street wondering why he is with the older woman.

you dont mess with the zohan - here's the problem. when i was in jr. high i went with my friend chris jahnke and saw 'happy gillmore' on the opening weekend and we laughed. so i cant get mad when i see another adam sandler movie coming out because i once thought he was funny so surely other people do too, but they cant be over the age of 14 right? does any adult find this guy funny? if they do, would anyone claim him or her as their friend? i'd stay away from someone like that. they have nothing to contribute to a solid friendship. nothing.

tropic thunder - ben stiller and adam sandler should just get on a boat together and go to an island alone together where they can live in peace and wont bug anyone.

meet dave - eddie murphy. and to make things better, he has a mini eddie murphy living inside of him. how did the conversation for this movie go?

producer: you know eddie, you just arent quite the star you used to be. you cant carry a film on your own anymore.

eddie: yeah, youre probably right. how about we have mini me as a supporting character?

producer: mini me? the midget from austin powers?

eddie: no. i mean, me, just small. living inside of big, main character me.

producer: yeah, that will probably work. it sounds as crappy as everything else you do that sells to whoever your audience is. did we ever figure out who these people are that see your films?

eddie: no. not yet.



oh, i dont know:

bangkok dangerous - the tagline from the preview was, 'nothing is more dangerous than a hitman...that hits back.' that sort of makes me upset inside because i could come up with something like that. this movie would be the best if it has the song 'one night in bangkok' throughout all of it. thats such a great song. how can you make a movie with bangkok in the title and not have that song in it? i think its impossible.

the happening - its another m. night shamalyhanahdananan movie. there will probably be a twist of some sort. it has mark whalberg in it so it has my attention. i know that sounds gay, but he's great. if it wasnt for him i wouldnt even think about seeing it. that sounds even more gay. moving on.

redbelt - the only reason i bring this up is because it has tim allen in it. everything he does is usually terrible (except for all the toy story's and the first santa clause). im not saying this movie will be good, it probably wont, but its totally unlike anything else he has ever done, which is respectable that he is branching out.


para todos:

speed racer: ok, when i first saw the poster i was a little upset and bummed. everyone knew eventually that someone would make this movie and i was expecting something different. like a racy pg-13 movie with fast cars and crap actors. but then i realized i already have 'fast and the furious' in my life to fill that void. and i actually think on the big screen and even on imax, that this could be a very visually entertaining film. i cant say that i think it will be brilliant, but definitely good on certain levels. i know i wouldnt be upset if i had to take a 10 year old to see it.

wall-e, kung fu panda and space chimps - alright, these are three of the animated films that are coming out this summer. first, wall-e. ive heard some people say that they dont think it looks that great and arent really excited about it so they might not see it. really? thats like the beatles coming out with a new album and people saying they arent sure if they are going to listen to it because they didnt like 'rubber soul.' i feel like with the track record of pixar, you have to see it. some say they didnt particularly care for 'ratatouille' so they might not see this one. but that is what is sad in my opinion. pixar just does brilliant stuff. if you dont see it then you arent appreciating or paying much attention to the movie. they put so much effort and creativity into every movie that nothing is left out and every line or scene is carefully planned. its a shame when even if you dont necessarily like the movie (like 'cars') that you cant at least appreciate the attention to detail.

so, lets compare them. pixar or wall-e would be like 'arrested development' (which did btw, announce a movie coming out in '09. i already cant sleep thinking about it) where everything is planned and its brilliant but on many levels so that you continue to appreciate it long after you have seen it. it lasts. kung fu panda is pure crap trying to hide behind a big name star. they figured they could make something that wasnt funny, but put a 'funny guy' in the main role and people would laugh and not realize that what they are watching isnt good. the problem is that the main guy's ship has sailed, well, its about to pull away from the dock and leave the harbor. im not sure if jack black could ever carry a comedy, but he really cant now. kung fu panda is like when they gave chevy chase a talk show. that was real bad and based on faulty logic similar to kung fu panda. animated films are big, jack black is funny, this will work. talk shows are in, chevy chase is funny, this will work. im probably being too hard. im sure it will be a smashing success. either way, it wont be as bad as 'space chimps.' i dont even know what tv sitcom i would compare this to. maybe 'freddie' the short lived freddie prince jr. show. just watch the trailer. the jokes are bad. so bad that im not even sure that a child would laugh at them. at every moment you can think to yourself, 'i could have come up with that.' and you could have, unless you arent over 9. so why would you want to pay money to someone that is doing something that you could do, but you never bothered to do it because you realized that it wasnt anything unique or brilliant? you also didnt bother to do it because you dont know someone that will pay you 20 times what you are making now to make the lame show.



for the ladies (and some dudes):

mamma mia - i should see this because i love the 'abba' music. but im sure i wont. i could listen to 'abba gold' every day. i never saw the musical which is still upsetting to me. problem is, it comes out on the same weekend as the new batman, so the only part most of america will see of this movie is whatever is on the poster when they are waiting in lines to get into batman.

another sisterhood and more pants - my brain shut off just trying to think of something to say.

made of honor - nellie said the other day that she really wanted to see this. dont get me wrong, some chick flicks are great. i really enjoy some. sometimes its not a terrible thing when a girl drags you to one. some of them are entertaining with a decent and not entirely predictable story line and good supporting cast. i feel like i dont need to see this since i saw 'my best friend's wedding' a few years back. either way, im glad i have the legitimate 'i have to study' card and can pull it at will this summer. it will come in handy for this movie, but not nearly as much as this next one:

sex and the city - alright, ive never seen an episode of this show so i cant really knock it. it might be good. maybe its well written and some guys had to sit through so many episodes with their lady that they enjoy it. it might be pretty good, but having never seen it and just seeing the previews, it looks like the mother of all chick flicks. its almost worth going to as a guy, only because you could pretty much drag your woman to anything after she took you to this. 'no honey, we are going to the van halen concert, or we are going to watch all 7 games of the nba finals....remember 'sex and the city'?



blockbusters:

ironman - um...its a marvel movie. too hard to predict in my opinion. action? yes. stars? yes. they will always come because fans will always go see it. will there be a plot? perhaps. will the jokes be terrible or legit? impossible to say. many moments where the movie just gets ridiculous? of course, no idea if it will be too much. but its a 'blockbuster' so its supposed to just be fun and exciting. of course its a little concerning it comes out so early in may as though it cant compete with other movies on later summer weekends. im guessing most reviews will be 'eh, it was fine.'

incredible hulk - again, a marvel movie. its hard to exactly say what it is that makes some of these respectable and a good time, and others that just arent any fun at all. its the difference between any spiderman movie and a fantastic four movie. on many levels, its the same movie, but in one of them you can tell that they put thought into it and actually tried to make a movie with a decent plot and didnt just rely on 'cool effects' with 'sexy stars' to get through the movie. its entertaining, just not memorable and you usually arent happy you spent money on the movie. you arent upset and wanting your money back, but you arent completely fine with having given your money away. im not sure if any of this makes sense, but i think ironman will be along the same vein as fantastic four while incredible hulk will be like spiderman.

indiana jones - so this should be fantastic. not just because its an addition to an already classic trilogy, but because it has kept harrison ford away from making movies like 'hollywood homicide.' its also prevented him from being in the news with that calista flockhart. how is it that they are together again? she's hideous. anyways, i dont know what to say about this movie. how can you not want to see it? its george lucas at his best, by producing it. its speilberg at his best by directing it. and its harrison ford as indiana jones. he's the all american hero. it should be just a great and enjoyable time at the movies, which is what 'summer movies' are all about.

chronic(what)cles of narnia - i didnt particuarly like the first one. many people did though, so i think im in the minority. im not terribly excited for this even though it looks good. i recommend it though because im sure it will be good and most people will like it, i just will probably use the 'bar study' excuse.

the dark knight - alright, i already raved about this movie in another post. nellie and i were fortunate to see the first 10 minutes as a preview of 'i am legend.' it looks phenomenal. seriously. now, im supposed to do nothing but study for 15 hours a day in preparation for the bar and according to everyone i talk to, bar study requires about that much time for 2 solid months. knowing that, and having fully committed to that by paying a few grand for a bar prep course, i will see this movie opening weekend. i think everyone should make an effort to see it in the theatres this summer. having only seen 1o minutes, im guaranteeing everyone will like it. if you dont, ill personally come sit down with you after im done with the bar and explain to you why you have poor taste in movies.

anyways, there are a ton of other movies. a steve carrel comedy and a mike myers one as well. both could be great and also just as easily pretty terrible. there is another 'hellboy' coming out and another 'mummy' movie to complete the much anticipated trilogy. there is also a will smith movie called 'hancock.' i usually enjoy most of his stuff so im sure it will be pretty good, this post is just getting too long and its one of those things where there will always be more movies to talk about so instead of trying to cover them all, ill just quit here.