pop stars or prophets?

so there is something that i have been thinking about for a long time now. many questions/thoughts often circulate through my head. can we really be surprised at how lindsey lohan has turned out? what percentage of people would end up exactly like her if in her situation? 85%? 93.2%? does 'the gap' have anything to offer me anymore? has it ever? did i really just make that phone call to her and completely embarass myself? could i have possibly sounded more desparate and misconveyed my feelings any more poorly? very pressing issues.

well, for some time now, something else has lingered in my mind. it happened the other day when watching one of those countdown shows on vh1. i have a true love/hate relationship with those shows. i love them because they are full of useless random facts and they are so entertaining. i hate them because most of the lists are so lame, but i am drawn to the show regardless. i find myself watching who are the top 40 divas of all time when i really could care less. its a complete waste of time, but they always suck me in. plus, i dont even know who is making these lists. its probably bob from the copy room, whom i dont even know and dont really care about his opinion, yet after watching for a bit, i find myself really wanting to know what bob thinks is the top freakiest concert moment of all time. or who bob thinks is the greatest metal band of all time. additionally, i hate them because bob always dissappoints. do you know who bob declared as the number 1 pop icon of all time? oprah. oprah! superman was number 2. seinfeld was somewhere in the top 10. oprah! they gave a compelling argument and in a way it made sense, but it was still incredibly dissappointing. after sitting around for 5 hours and watching from 100 to 1 and finding out that oprah was number 1. major let down.

so the other day adam and i were watching the top 100 songs of the 80's. this list actually didnt dissappoint. the number 1 song of the 80's was 'livin on a prayer' by bon jovi. just a phenomenal song. while others may disagree, everyone would have to at least admit that the song would be included in the debate over what song was number 1. anyways, while watching this program, somewhere in the list was the song 'walking on sunshine.' a great song. fun. 'pop-py.' always makes you feel good when you hear it. but then bob mentioned something that i had never heard before. that song, 'walking on sunshine' was sung by the band 'katrina and the waves.' KATRINA AND THE WAVES! how come i didnt know this? im sure after hurricane katrina happened, some people probably mentioned that it was ironic that there was a band with that name or it come up in a couple of conversations, but it hardly received the attention it deserved. i know because i never heard anything about it.

clearly this deserves more discussion. it cannot just be a coincidence. impossible. i havn't exactly come to a concrete conclusion as to what i think of all of it, but thus far, my main theory is that 80's pop icons were an advanced group of humans that could predict the future, but to disclose their prophetic identity, they told us of the future through their artistic abilities.

so i began exploring this theory and looking into other 80's pop icons to see what else i could find. i came across some interesting bits that i think are worth mentioning and will probably convince even the biggest naysayer, that this theory is nearly conclusive:

• wwf: huge in the 80's. this is when wwf was in its early stages and really laying the groundwork to be a national pastime and integral part of american culture and the american way of life. but even the wwf was giving out prophetic messages. did you know that there was a tag team duo called the 'natural disasters?' individually, they were named 'earthquake' and 'typhoon.' now, that information alone, may not explain much, but after a little research, these men are potentially more than just large, hairy men that like showing off their impecable bodies by wearing mens leotards, or man-tards. did you realize that earthquake married a filipino woman on december 26, 1984, on a tug boat in the middle of the indian ocean? exactly 20 years before the earthquake that struck that region and caused the devasting tsunami....or natural disaster. why a tug boat? not quite sure, but that was typhoon's wrestling name before he joined forces with earthquake. it was all there. if only we had bothered to notice the signs.

• i think an integral part of the 80's was monster ballads. these beautiful rock compositions have delighted the ears and hearts of the world for years. partly because they are musical masterpieces, but also, because of their messages. how else could songs like these endure the test of time were there not something more to them? i think these bands toned it down a bit from their hard rock style to make their messages clear. after watching a few videos, adam commented that he thought that the groups toned down their music and made the ballads to prove they were queer. he raises a very plausible theory. nonetheless, it is still worth noting some potential messages:
• for instance, most people are familiar with the ever popular group 'l.a. guns' because of their classic and incredible hit, 'ballad of jayne'. but few know that rodney king's daughter is named jayne. coincidence? not likely. other song titles from the album include: 'letting go' (what the cops did when they 'let go' of their emotions on rodney king), 'slap in the face,' 'rip and tear,' (no need of explanation as to how they relate to the riots), 'never enough,' 'sleazy come, easy go,' (sleazy people that raided the stores and took off their easy loot), 'showdown: riot on sunset' (im not making that one up), 'wheels on fire,' and '17 crash' (the exact number of cars involved in the pile-up outside the courthouse). queers? well, very good chance. but debatable. yet there is little room for debate in the argument that this group told us about the l.a. riots through their guitars and shirtless outfits.
  
• while we are on the topic, here are a few other videos of some big hair bands and their ballads. not sure yet what message they are telling us, but its pure entertainment to watch the bands in action. especially the lead singer from 'saigon kick.' his use of hand guestures throughout the video is pure choreographic genius.
• mr. big
• saigon kick
• scorpions

well, i think i have sufficiently provided enough examples that any person of average intelligence will at least consider the theory until i can provide even more conclusive evidence. the only problem is that now that we are pretty sure that these people have things to tell us, how do we find it all? its there, but there is so much to sort through. there are hundreds of icons, each with their own message. like 'the charlie daniels band' with their 1988 hit album homesick heroes. who exactly is charlie daniels and who are these heroes and what is their role in preventing north korea from developing nuclear weapons? im sure there is a connection, but its just not totally clear yet. or 'night ranger' and how they foretold about the exxon valdez oil spill. or the group 'eddie rabbit with crystal gayle' and their detailed description of the future crystal meth problem in the rabbit population. (?) that might not make sense, unless by rabbit they mean ex-'full house' stars.

anyways, im sure the list goes on and on. in case you havnt noticed, all of the 80's icons foretold of calamaties and destruction. in another post i'll explore 90's icons and how they foretold of all of the great things we would have around us to help us get through the hard times. like the band 'arrested development' with its debut album '3 years, 5 months, and 2 days in the life of arrested development'. clearly telling us about the brilliant tv show that in the upcoming decade would bring us so much joy....but only for 3 short seasons. coincidence? prove it.

close encounters of the 'goldenwest ward babes'

me: do you like movies?

her: oh yeah.

me: do you have a favorite?

her: well, i cant think of just one. but i could give you a top 5.

me: ok. great.

her: in no particular order:

1. legally blonde
2. jaws
3. how to lose a guy in 10 days
4. failure to launch
5. pirates of the carribbean

me: i'm sorry. i thought you were going to list off your favorite movies.

her: thats right. i did.

me: please leave....please.

travels with floyd

oh how i love floyd. we had a long day together on friday. our first travel was to downtown. while walking to the courthouse i met a lawyer. he said he was a donut shop lawyer. it was a term i had never heard. i didnt want to sound stupid, but i figured that if i was ever going to learn lawyer lingo, i would have to look stupid sometimes and ask people to explain terms to me. i did. he told me that he works mostly with asian donut shop owners that want to divorce their wives and marry young 19 year old women. i was confused. clearly this wasnt a legal term, but now it left me confused about women again. really? donut shop owners? what do these men have to offer? donuts? cash only lives? i had been going to law school to try and buy a woman's love through a nice home and car. i guess i should own a donut store instead and offer delicious sugar pastries and a nice matress in the back room. anyways, the man did tell me that the best thing he ever did in law school was an internship in singapore. singapore! ive thought about it, and i think im starting to get yellow fever. a summer in singapore. why not? i dont have any other options. well, not yet...

the next phase of the day took me down to newport beach. i had an interview with bremer/whyte. im still not sure if i actually want to do civil litigation, but if i did and if i ever found enjoyment in it, it would be with a firm like this one. its in newport beach. ambitious and growing, yet a very laid back atmosphere. it was a second interview. im not sure exactly how it went. i had 4 fifteen minute interviews with different people in the firm. the best part was talking with one of the partners about tierry henry, arsenal and the champions league. they all asked me about soccer and volleyball listed in the interests section of my resume. one did ask about the clerkship with the judge. demonstrating once again that employers just want to find 'the right fit' and dont really care about stuff you can brag about on paper. not that im against padding the resume, because it gets you in the door, but at that point, all the employer cares about is if you are a more or less a clone of him and if you can contribute to the firm's summer softball team.

after the interview i took a trip to school to work on a law review project. it involved law school. its boring. nothing to say.

i then went out to the inland valley for my blind date. the third in three weeks. we went out to pasadena and met up with dave and his date. not sure what to say about my date. really nice. really attractive. but dave put it best when he called her a 'flat liner.' she was just, sort of, dead. didnt really give off much energy, so i had nothing to work with. and for some reason she just made conversation and pretty much everything awkward. nothing flowed. it was a struggle. anyways, we got dinner and walked around pasadena. finally at the end of the night i took her back to glendora. i walked her to the door and gave her a hug and she just sort of stood there. so i squeezed her tighter. i think she finally bent her elbows and sort of embraced me, but not really, but she sort of did though, so it was a hug, but it was also sort of awkward. like the rest of the night.

anyways, after the date, floyd and i finally returned to garbage grove. 187.9 total miles on the day. surprisingly the only time i hit bad traffic was driving out of l.a. on the way to the interview. the only place where i needed to arrive on time. i didnt even hit traffic driving to glendora on the 57. i drove it all last year and hit traffic every day. on friday, when i wanted to hit traffic to shorten the length of the date, there was none. well, floyd performed like a trooper as always. a true constant in my life. i gave him a kiss and a hug in appreciation for his services. he opened his doors and bothered to hug back. it wasnt awkward.

palau

so i have begun my post-law-school-life plan. after graduating i want to do a clerkship on the island of palau. the judge i work for told me about it. he has connnections over there so i hope that i can at least get an interview. judicial clerkships are for 1 year on the island of palau. its not as prestigious as getting a clerkship with a federal judge, but it still looks good on a resume, so it will help me get employment when i get back. the pay is $40,000. which isn't that great, but the government pays for housing. the government also pays for myself and a spouse to fly over there and they pay for all moving expenses. so while the pay isnt incredible, it would easily be enough to cover food, student loan repayments, and surfboard purchases. there really isnt much do on the island. that is if you dont like scuba diving or snorkling. or if you dont like traveling to islands in the south pacific. or kayaking, or surfing, or traveling to australia or japan on the weekends. (check out palau on google earth. be sure to start at your present location here in the u.s. - or elsewhere if you are one of my international readers - and then type in palau and see how far the trip would be, its pretty awesome)

so basically, this could be the greatest thing ever in my opinion. the only downfall, the spouse part. and not just that i dont have one, but it would be terribly boring to be over there alone and not have anyone to enjoy the island with. so i dont want to go alone, unless im planning on starting a life of lonliness and alcohol - which im not. (i hear that the natives drink a ton because there isnt anything else to do, clearly they forgot they can kayak through and explore the rock islands when they get bored). so i would rather have a partner in crime with me, but its got to be a good one because while im sure we can find many things to do, i would have to work every day from 9-5 (and it is only 8 hours a day, not 12 or 16 like other law jobs). which means that she will have to be able to entertain herself and be content on a tropical island all day long. i know it sounds great and fantastic, but some women might go nuts. those women are lame.

so i appreciate the current efforts of friends and family to set me up with ladies, but in the future, just be sure to remember palau. because if she and i work out, and then palau works out, but she doesnt work with palau, well, i just dont want to have to deal with a divorce while im over there. it would severely cut into my surf and snorkeling time. anyways, all interested applicants can apply below in the comments area: be sure to include contact information, a resume, photo, and contact information of a few female friends that you consider valid alternatives if we dont work out.

the leprechaun

did you know jennifer aniston is in the movie 'the leprechaun'? if so, did you know that they made 4 leprechaun movies with the fourth one called, 'leprechaun 4: in space'? if you did, you are no longer welcome at this site. i have nothing to offer you. its saint patrick's day so the first leprechaun is on tv. adam, zach and i are switching between watching basketball and that movie. the highlights of the movie are easily adam narrating the movie in his irish voice. when he doesnt have anything to say, he just rambles jibberish - but in an irish voice. yesterday i took my 'spring break' and adam and i watched basketball from about 9 am to 7 pm. we are back at it again today. here was our most recent conversation which helps give you an idea of how the past two days have been:

adam: kent, did you know that mentos, when mixed with diet coke, creates an explosive reaction?
me: why no. i had no idea. thats strange.
adam: me neither. my friend just told me about it. go to google video. we need to look this up.

we did. here is what we found: this one shows it with terrible music. this one was made by two guys that probably have seen all 4 leprechaun movies.

so, its been some pretty productive days. yesterday, we had donuts in the morning, jack in box for lunch and some crazy bowel movements for dinner. actually, i had dinner in westwood with heather, my blind date, who also happens to be parker, my brother-in-law's cousin. since she is related to family and she knows about this blog, i wont make any comments about the date. ill just say that it had plenty of awkward first date moments, which are always entertaining. it was fun. she is nice. seems really neat. we had conversation.

thoughts for matt

i was really hoping i wouldnt have to make this post. the other week, when i posted my comments about real madrid, matt completely and blatantly called out the team and said they were lucky to win and that they were washed up etc. it was harsh. i wanted to retaliate, but i figured the best thing to do would be just to allow the team to do the talking and go out and win and prove matt wrong. unfortunately, they suffered an embarassing lost last week and were elimated from the champions league. i was devasted for a few reasons:

1. i really enjoy watching soccer and i love watching real madrid play. the only time this happens is during the champions league because they are the only games that espn or any other network actually broadcasts. so now i have to wait until august, when next season starts to watch another real game. (and by real i mean 'ray-al,' like 'ray-al' madrid. not real, like 'i'm a real boy!' i didnt want it to seem like i was suggesting that only real madrid games are the only real games out there. because that is not true. perhaps they are the games in which i have a real interest, but they are by no means the only real games)
2. there is no reason why this should happen. real madrid is the richest soccer club in the world. even more so than manchester united or any other club that may come to mind. they have the money. they are willing to spend the money, yet for the past few years they havnt been able to really compete. they are like the yankees. a ton of money and they go out and buy superstars all the time. however, unlike the yankees, real has not been winning with the purchase of players. the yankees at least win their division or go to the playoffs and compete for the world series. real has been bounced early in the champions league the past few years and has not won a league title since 2003. unacceptable.
3. matt was right. the team is in shambles.

so lets pick apart the team. im hardly an expert. i only watch highlights of their games and i dont listen to any podcasts about the team or anything. but ill give my opinion of the 4 main parts of the team and see if we cant locate the problem.

management: this is where the team begins. i think that the coach is doing an alright job. anyone coming into the position has their work cut out for them. they have a roster full of superstars or 'galacticos' and an incredibly high expectation from the fans. anything less than a championship is a disappointment. their are a ton of egos to balance and i think many of those egos are in the upper management. here is a report of a conference the president had where he told students that his players were vain and self-centered. raul, the captain, finally had to confront the president and ask that he apologize to the players. when the players and the management are that divided, then there are problems. i think the management wants the players to win because it makes them more money and gives the glory and praise and spotlight to the club and therefore the management, and not because they want the players to win because winning in soccer is just the best thing ever. i know the players are the ones on the field, but when the upper management has a poor relationship with the players or no connection with them, then it eventually affects the level of play. somehow it just does. i think there have been problems for a few years and it is finally eroding the whole organization. grades: coach - C. management - D

forwards: raul, ruuuud van nistelrooy, robinho, antonio cassano, jose reyes. now most people know im a raul apologist. if you didnt know, just check out my myspace page. he isnt the greatest forward ever, but i like him so i am biased. but im happy with this forward group. robinho is ridiculous. just an incredible player. cassano is young but good as well. dont know much about reyes. but raul and ruud are seasoned veterans. they know how to linger around the goal and finish shots. they are doing well and i think they are good mentors for some of these younger forwards. offense isnt really a worry. real always spends money on their forwards. they have struggled, but as of late they scored 4 goals against bayern munich in two games and 3 goals against barcelona AT barcelona. grade: B+

midfield: guti, diarra, gago, gomez, helguera, emerson, beckham. sincerely, i just dont know that much about this group. i like beckham. he plays hard, but he hurt his knee and so he's done. im still not sure about guti. he is now a full time starter after playing behind figo and zidane and others for so long. he's good, but i doubt he will ever become a superstar. but the team doesnt need superstars. ive seen a little of emerson and diarra. same feelings as guti. i wasnt blown away, but i really dont want to be. i just want chemistry. i want the midfield to help the team gel. i think it is a good enough group that is mostly concerned about just going out and doing their jobs and not showboating or being in the spotlight. i think this is the group that could help the squad change from being a roster full of individual superstars to a team. all are good, none are household names, but they are capable of playing with any team. remember this is all coming from the guy that has hardly watched any games and hasnt paid any attention to the midfield. grade: B- (no real explanation)

defense: helguera, salgado, sergio ramos, gomez, roberto carlos, cannavaro. alright. the other problem. since 2000, here are the names of some of the players real has bought: figo, zidane, beckham, ronaldo, michael owen, robinho, ruud van nistelrooy. im sure i am forgetting a few. the interesting thing about this list is that none are defenders. granted, there arent many household names when it comes to defenders. well, there is roberto carlos, but he is terrible. for about 10 years the team had a man named hierro that was their sweeper. coincidentally, hierro means iron in spanish. and hierro was solid. just a solid, smart defender that you take for granted because you dont realize how important defense is until your team doesnt have one and they spend money on offense to try and solve their defensive problems.

so the defense has been struggling for some time now. the team finally spent money last summer on cannavaro to help out. the problem is that cannavaro is the complete opposite as landon donovan. both pretty good players, however on the world stage, in the biggest tournament in the world, cannavaro thrives in the spotlight and elevates his game while donovan shrinks from responsiblity and collapses under pressure. real saw this and bought cannavaro. he's terrible. just bad. the defense is embarassing. in the last game, bayern munich scored the fastest goal in champions league history. 10 seconds. notice roberto carlos muffing the trap and giving up the ball. he's a joke. he cant defend and he always wants to go attack. the problem is he just kicks the ball as hard as he can and has no control. waste.

in the other game against bayern, the defense gave up two goals. here are the highlights from the game. in the first goal the announcer says, 'where was cannavaro and what was he thinking?' not what you want to hear about your sweeper. the second goal is a great shot, but its in the 88th minute. you cannot give up late game goals. not when you are adding the scores of the two games together. so the first game ended 3-2 in real's favor. then the second game was 2-1. aggregate score 4-4. bayern however scored two away goals, so they advance. take away the 10 second embarrasment and the late game blunder and real advances 4-2 easily. just unacceptable.

now the barcelona game. here are the highlights. two main problems: 1. in the first barcelona goal, the forward was so wide open he could have driven a truck to the goal. where was the defender? at first i thought it was roberto carlos that messed up because he is never in position, but then i noticed he didnt play that game. thats not comforting. his replacement is out of position as well. problem 2. messi scored all 3 goals! the same guy. why didnt they take out his acl? how can you let the same guy score against you? anyways, the defense is bad. and i dont really have a solution. like most teams, you dont really know the defenders. they are just solid guys that hold down the back. often its better if you dont know the defenders because if you do, its probably because they are trying to make crazy runs and score goals. real doesnt need that, they need the same 4 guys holding the team together. anyways, i could go on, but i know that no one not named matt is still reading this. matt might have even given up on it by now.

one last note: their goalie is a stud. iker casillas. many teams have come and tried to pull him away from real. im afraid that if real cant get things together soon and improve their defense, star players like their keeper will start entertaining offers from other clubs. you cant survive on a name alone. you need quality results to back it up. if things dont improve soon, players will leave the squad and future prospects will pass on playing for real because they can go to other clubs that have quality play to go along with their name. grades: goalie - A-. rest of the defense: D-.

zach attack

zach really brings joy to the lives of adam and i. he and britney are officially over. the fish never came back up the toilet. so zach has moved on. he always does, and its always fast. he is now dating a girl named stephanie. she weighs a hefty 85 pounds. there is also a pretty good chance she is still in her teens. zach says 'its scary the way they are so similar.' on the third hang out, she told him her ring size. awesome. fun note: zach just got word the other day that the last teen that he dated back in october just moved from arizona to orange county! her name was kimi. she gave adam and i so many great memories. we were both giddy hearing that she might make a re-entrance into the real life drama that is zach attack.

anyways, zach is working this evening and he texted adam and i to tell us that britney would be stopping by to pick up some of her belongings that she had left here. adam immediately went into zach's room to figure out what we could do to it for britney's return. well, as it turned out, zach had already set aside britney's belongings and placed them in the front room on the table. this didnt stop us however as stephanie, a huge fan of rock hudson movies, had brought over her collection of 'classics,' such as 'pillow talk' and other delights and left them at our house. well, adam and i strategically placed them in the front room so that britney would see them as she picked up her stuff.

fortunately in the end, it was actually britney's sister that stopped by to pick up britney's things. she did notice the display, but didnt say anything. i say fortunately because after setting up the display i asked adam what we would say if britney bothered to make a comment about the movie collection. adam said he figured he would just be laughing too hard to say anything and just leave me to awkwardly stand there and deal with it. i guess my quick witted lying lawyer skills would have been put to the test. another time, another girlfriend i suppose.